Reminder: I'm switching blogging sites and this is an oldie but a goodie... enjoy!
Its been a couple of months since my thirtieth birthday. I didn't know what to expect when I turned 30, but it wasn't anything out of the ordinary which was just as I would have guessed. I have noticed some things about myself lately. Not like, "Oh my gosh I'm growing a tail!" kind of things. Things like: I need frickin' glasses to write this dang blog!
I'm now comfortable in my own skin. I don't think this epiphany has come to me in my thirtieth year, like a curse that has been lifted from my life on my birthday, and now I am excepting of my own self. I think it has come alive, because I've realized that there is no other Dannielle Scruggs. God made only one of me. People who cannot except me for me can go fly a kite. Being a woman, and a mother, which by nature are people pleasers I have put myself on the back burner a lot. But you know what? IT'S OK TO PUT YOURSELF ON THE BACK BURNER... sometimes.I would go extreme either way. I have been timid for the most part of my life. When I felt like a doormat for others, I became extremely opinionated and stuck in the mud, even. In life there is balance. Too little or too much of one thing is not good. My moral compass is sound and I know I can count on that. I am no longer lost.
I have felt misunderstood most of my life. As if I couldn't quite get the right words out of my mouth. I don't know of more than a couple of people who truly "get" me. But you know what? THAT'S OK! I don't think of any of that as a burden anymore. When I was younger I tried and tried to be like everyone else going down the wide and traveled road. I realize that I may be a perfectionist. I have tried so hard at something like let's say handwriting. Yes, handwriting. I remember being in middle school that I saw another girls lower case letter "a," and I thought it looked better than my current "a". So guess what? I practiced and practiced that "a". Writing every word I could think of that contained the letter "a". Of course I didn't think it would make me a better person, but that my handwriting would be better. I always strived for being better. Really just better than the Dannielle the day before. I am perfect just the way I am. That Dannielle that is full of useless information, yes, she is grand. That Dannielle who wants to do it by herself just because she wants to, yes, she is magnificent. And so are you. By the way, I don't use that "a" anymore.
Choose your battles carefully. Really, I mean really, in the whole scheme of things is it important for you to scream or get pissed because someone cut you off in traffic? No, of course not. Most of the time when we get mad or our feelings hurt it's not us it's our pride. Pride is no bueno. Pride is like your ugly twin. In my relationships with my children I sometimes get carried away.
"Don't scream! Don't run in the house! Don't jump on the bed," I yell. What I've realized, there's a time and place for everything. I don't want to smother my kids. Aiden told me the other day that I take fun out of things. I laughed, because I am sure I do sometimes, and it was funny the way he put it. But I explained to him that you can't stand in your chair during dinner. Maybe during breakfast... just kidding. With the relationship with my husband, choosing my battles has been very important. Best advice that I can give: if you're not sure what to say, or you are angry, don't say anything! Words hurt. Period. Our mouths have gotten away from us at times. You can't take those words back.
I can't eat whatever I want anymore! Gravity has taken a hold of my various body parts, and let me tell you what... it is unforgiving! This second pregnancy really did it for me. I am not the same size as I was in high school, and I haven't been since highschool, but I can still wear the same earrings! Yeah, yeah. I find myself tracking my calories, pining over my dreams of cheesecake and buttercream frosting. By golly I will still eat sweets and other delicious faire, but it may not be as spontaneous as before.
Pics of my sweets... gosh I love them.
Always ~ D
